Father's Day Special-An Open Letter to Coach from his Wife

Dear Coach,

There are so many things I wish you knew about my life as your wife and as a coach’s wife. Being your bride is such an honor and it brings me so much joy. Thank you for choosing me, every day. I am so thankful for you. I put together this little letter for you that I’d love for you to read or listen to once in a while…

There are so many things I wish you knew about my life as your wife and as a coach’s wife. Being your bride is such an honor and it brings me so much joy. Thank you for choosing me, every day. I am so thankful for you. I put together this little letter for you that I’d love for you to read or listen to once in a while. I hope it proves how much I adore you and I hope it reminds you that, as strong as you think I am, I need you to validate me and hear my heart. I need you to see me. I need you.

First of all, I’m so proud of you.

I know you love the game and everything, but I also know your job comes with a high price. So much responsibility, so many snap judgements, so much criticism and people critiquing your every move. I am so proud of the way you handle the negativity and how you keep your head down, focusing on what matters most: investing in these kids. I’m also proud of the way you handle the praise and adoration, remaining humble. When your team loses, you take all the responsibility. When your team wins, you give the team all the praise.  When everyone else is ready to call it quits, you’re willing to get your hands dirty and do the hard work to lead you and your team to victory, on and off the field. These kids are so lucky to have you, and you are changing their lives for the better.

Thank you for leading them with heart and integrity. Thank you for investing in them, even when it means time away from me. Because sometimes I’m gonna get frustrated, but please know that I still fully support you loving and leading your team.

Thank you for loving and leading like Jesus.

You’re not allowed to just come right out and say it, but I know the kids notice you lead in a way that’s different than what they’ve seen before. You’re holding them to high standards and expect them to work hard and sacrifice and be loyal and devoted...all characteristics of godly men and women. Thank you, also, for not growing weary at work, but instead, you come home and lead and love us well, too. You’re the rock in our family, babe.

 Speaking of babe, Babe, you look really hot when you’re out there gettin’ all fired up. Whether you’re coaching in your shacket and headset with papers stuffed down the back of your pants or you’re wearing your jacket and lucky tie, when I watch you coach, I sit there thinking, “I can’t believe he’s mine.” It’s why I want to take pictures with you after the game and why I want to give you a good luck kiss before the game. It’s why I wear shirts that say “Mrs. Coach” on them and why I love coming to practice and getting involved: I love being your wife. I love watching you lead your players with respect and passion. I love shouting, “You tell em, baby!” when the ref’s make a bad call. Oh, I wish you could just watch my face during the game. You wouldn’t ever doubt how glad I am to be your wife.

 Sometimes, I wish you could do just that: watch me during the game. I look forward to Game Night more than anyone, but babe, it’s freaking exhausting. Loading and unloading the kids, trying to remember the diapers and sippy cups and trying to decide three hours in advance how hot or cold they’ll be and what they should wear. The whole game we are taking potty breaks and going to the concession stand and I’m trying to keep them quiet and entertained so others around us can watch the game. Then they see you and I have to console them the rest of the night because they can’t go hug you right away. It’s A LOT to say the least. I really am so happy to do it, but please don’t dismiss what I do for our family. Thank me for coming to the game, and support me when I say I may need to sit one out.

Thanks for taking the time to explain the game to me, even though we both know I’ll never understand it like you do.

When you take time to break down film or draw out plays to help me understand why your defense will stop that offense every time, I really am trying to understand. And though it probably feels like a waste of time, I appreciate you trying to include me in the conversation. Because babe, I really do want to understand, but most of all, I just like spending time with you and being able to see behind the scenes as you prepare for the season. I love getting the “inside scoop” and hearing your reasons why. I love being a part of the process.

I love that coaching is your calling and I’m honored to be by your side through it all.

I take that calling seriously and am trying to find my place in it all. I love being involved and serving your team. I love when you ask me to make cookies for the boys or help get to know the kids that don’t quite fit in. Serving with you is such a joy and I’m thankful you value my contribution to the team and the program.

 I know when you’re in season, it’s just exhausting. Even the winningest seasons can wear on you. I hope you see how hard I try to make our home a safe place, a place where you can find rest and be rejuvenated. I want you to be able to come home late at night and not have to worry about anything going on here.

Babe, sometimes I need you to see me. Sometimes I need you to recognize all that I’m holding up at home while you’re coaching all the time.

Sometimes I need you to see all that I’m doing to keep the kids going with their school work and practice and piano lessons and well, their basic hygiene. I need you to recognize all that I sacrifice so that you can fulfill your calling as a coach. And not out of a guilt trip. I’m not trying to be a martyr or act like I need all this special recognition. Just a simple, “thanks, babe” will do. Those two little words motivate me more than you know. You can text them to me during the day, say it when you get home, or whisper it in my ear before we fall asleep. Any of these will do. I just need to hear you say you appreciate me. I need to know I’m not invisible. I need to know my man sees me, knows me, and loves me anyway.

 Because that’s how I feel about you.

I love you the same no matter the score. I admire you the same no matter the record. I see growth in you as a coach and as a man, as a husband and a father year after year and I’m so proud of the man you’re becoming.

Speaking of being a father, what’s it like having hundreds of kids? You are a father figure to so many and I love how seriously you take that role. These kids don’t realize how lucky they are to have you in their corner. And then there’s OUR kids... do you see how much the kids light up when you get home? Do you hear the excitement in their voices? I know you feel guilty sometimes for how much time you spend away from us, but babe, the important thing is you come home. They know you always do. And they have SO much to tell you when you get here. I know you’re tired, I can see it in your eyes. But don’t miss the chance to connect with them. Don’t miss out on opportunities to continue building your relationship with them. You’re Superman to them, babe. Giving them 20 minutes of your undivided attention when you walk through that door fills their cup and makes their day.

Want to make my day? Walk in the door and toss me my keys and say, “Go somewhere for an hour.” Target, Starbucks, the backseat of the van for a nap, what have you. I feel so guilty asking you for help, especially during season, because I recognize all that you have on your plate. But the truth is, I have a lot on my plate too. Between work and laundry and bills and rocking the baby and trying to take a shower once in a while, I need a break just as much as you. When you give me an hour each week to breathe and clear my head, I’m so refreshed and all the more glad to take the kids outside for a few hours so you can get some work done. This is a busy season for both of us, let’s have each other’s back and look for opportunities to give each other some space to decompress. 

Being a coaching family isn’t easy. It isn’t easy to hear bad things about you in the stands. It isn’t easy moving again and again. It’s not easy wondering who our true friends are. It’s not easy knowing we’re just one bad season away from being out of work. None of this is easy.

But it’s worth it. The players are worth it. The lessons learned are worth it. And you’re worth it. You’re worth all of this.

You’re worth pouring my heart and soul into each team and every player and the house and our family when you’re away. You and your heart and your love for the game and your calling are worth it all. Even on my worst days, I hope you know how proud I am of you. I hope you know I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. I became a coach’s wife the day we said “I do,” but the highest honor and my greatest joy in my life is just being YOUR wife. Your girl. Your whole world. Some days we drive each other crazy but at least we’re in the same car. The best team I’ve ever been on is ours, and I’m proud to wear your name on my back.


Love you most,

Your wife


P.S. I think your bucket hat looks stupid.


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